


Nothing More

by Ebyru



Series: Ep 7x23 'verse [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Gen, Internal Monologue, M/M, Poetry, Pre-Slash, Season 7 Spoilers, Wordcount: 100-1.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-21
Updated: 2012-05-21
Packaged: 2017-11-05 19:32:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/410198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ebyru/pseuds/Ebyru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Castiel consider what exactly is going on between them.</p><p>Part 1/2</p><p>Excerpt: <br/>"It’s just so hard to forgive after your friend—<br/>your best friend—tries so hard to ruin your life."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing More

**Author's Note:**

> This is Dean's POV.  
> Spoilers for episode 23 of Season 7.
> 
> Inspired by:  
> Too long a sacrifice  
> Can make a stone of the heart.  
> O when may it suffice?

So this is it. I’m back with him, the angel. The one who’s started it all.

 

It’s his fault –

I mean, we all know – but,

and there’s always a _but_ ,

I can’t help but understand.

 

He was family once. Most of the time he still is.

And yet, I could kill him if I think about it for too long.

That’s not it. That’s not what I mean.

I won’t do it. I wouldn’t.

 

I’m not good with words.

It’s just so hard to forgive after your friend—

your best friend—tries so hard to ruin your life.

 

And like I said, he’s family. He still is, of that I’m positive.

But sometimes I see something else.

Maybe pain, maybe crazy, maybe anger, but it’s there.

And I see it, even with his mask still in place, still fixed.

He’s starting to lose his marbles, one by one, all over the world. All for me.

I get it now; I understand. I see the fear, the pain, the crazy.

But it’s part of something larger. The truth. I can’t say it.

Don’t make me say it. Even Sam wouldn’t, knowing the truth himself.

Everyone knows the truth.

 

I’ll take the lie instead.

Castiel hates me.

Castiel’s crazy.

Castiel’s scared, he’s angry.

But no he doesn’t lo—

 

I can’t say it.

 

We’re trapped in this hole worse than Hell.

And I can’t admit to it. Still.

 

Sam, poor Sammy.

He’s known all along. I’m sure.

Called him _my_ angel.

But he isn’t mine. Castiel is his own.

He’s free, he’s with the bees, he’s crazy – but he is not for me.

 

I don’t want him. I can’t.

There’s no time for lov—

 

I won’t say it.

 

We’re in purgatory. It’s been a week. I think.

It could be longer, could be an hour.

Could be a century.

It certainly feels like it.

 

But no, there is no _us_ –

even here –

even while we’re completely alone.

We share body heat. We share agony.

That’s it. It must be. Nothing more.

That’s where the sharing ends.

 

He is his own entity. I am just a kid along for the fright.

 

That sounds right.

 

He doesn’t love—

 

Wrong again.

**Author's Note:**

> What did you think?


End file.
